Enter:Akatsuki
by poetofnothing
Summary: Lyra is considered a normal 16-year-old girl, despite the fact she lives alone. She never thought manga characters were real. But when she decides to go out on a hike to kill a day's worth of time, she finds out just how wrong she was. Rated T from Hidan.
1. Enter: Lyra

**My first fanfic, so yeah...hope you enjoy. Please note that the ages of all but Kakuzu, Kisame, and Zetsu have been altered so that they are young/old enough to attend high school. So don't annoy me about that.**

**I don't own the Akatsuki, so yeah. ^^**

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_Hidan smirked as he laid down his hand of cards, revealing a flush. "Pay up, bitches." he said, leaning back in his chair. _

_Kakuzu grit his teeth angrily, pounding the table with his fist. "You're cheating!" he accused, pulling a kunai from his pocket. _

_Hidan laughed. "Am not." he said, patting the carefully concealed extra deck of cards just up his sleeve. _

_"Yeah, right, Hidan. No one can win that many times at poker." Kisame sighed, tossing his cards down onto the table, looking extremely fed up. _

_"I'm just really lucky." Hidan said, giving a shrug and collecting the poker chips. _

_Itachi made a sound of annoyance, then stood and left the table. One by one, Kakuzu, Deidara, and Kisame followed, leaving Hidan alone at the table. Hidan snickered. "You guys still owe me!" he called after them, standing and following them as well._

I bolted up in my bed, a cold sheen of sweat on my face. I turned on my bedside lamp, fingering the silver locket around my neck that my mother had given me as my groggy mind went over my dream. Once again, I had dreamt of the mediocre happenings of the Akatsuki. I was clearly reading way too much Naruto.

I gazed over at my bookshelves, with one entire shelf of the Naruto manga volumes. I pulled my auburn hair back into a messy pony tail, then walked over to the bathroom and washed my face. I stared up into my reflection in the mirror, sighing sadly. This house was way too big for me and me alone, especially since Dad died. The will had left the house to me, for some strange reason. A two-story house in a gated community, here I felt sheltered, although word of his death spread like wildfire in this small section of town. Soon, countless housewives and grandma's came over, bringing me a nice warm meal almost every day. Hey, I didn't complain, I didn't have a real source of income now. Life kinda smacked me in the face, taking away something I held dear to me and leaving me to fend for myself now.

But whatever. I'm sad to say I knew Dad would die soon, he had pancreatic cancer and wasn't winning the battle. He took a turn for the worse after Mom left. I'm just glad he was able to pay off the entire house, I didn't have to worry about the roof over my head. Just the utilities, food, clothes, taxes...

God, life could be cruel sometimes.

I dried my face gently, then headed downstairs and checked the clock. 3:30 AM. I thanked whatever gods there were that it was summer vacation now, I didn't have to worry about when I woke up. It was still extremely dark, the only light(besides the ones I turned on) in the streets were the street lamps, and even they were lit up with only a slight intensity. But that's what I liked about waking up so early. I felt alone, like the only one awake in the entire world. Although with all the dramatic time differences, I knew that wasn't true, but nevertheless. It was nice.

I grabbed some cereal and sat down in the comfy reclining chair Dad had always sat in. I closed my eyes, eating my extremely early breakfast and inhaling the smell that emanated from the chair: toner, fresh paper, and sanitizer. Yes, my dad worked in an office building high rise that was obsessed with helping the germaphobes, but he was the only one in the world I could continually count on to care. As much as a dad could, of course.

I shook the thoughts from my mind, finishing my breakfast and washing the bowl. I stood there in the kitchen, in my extremely comfy pajamas, wondering what to do today. I could go out job hunting, but I knew no one would want to hire a sixteen year old with no experience what so ever. I watched the paper boy zing by, tossing the morning paper into my front yard.

I retrieved it, lazily walking back into the house as I read the front page. PRESIDENT PASSES LAW, TAXES RISE.

Great. Just great.

I flipped through the paper, noticing one grim news bit after the other. Can't they print happy stuff? Ever? What happened to firefighters saving kittens from trees being front page news?

Guess I'm just picky.

I flipped to the obituary section of the newspaper, wondering who else had been torn from their families. So many unfamiliar faces stared up at me, their smiling faces telling me "Pity the families! Pity them!"

Disgusted with the fact that every death was made public, I plopped the newspaper on the table, refusing to read another sentence of that drivel.

Completely bored, I thanked my ADHD induced short attention span and went upstairs, back to my room, back to my books and manga and computer. I logged on to the computer, a brisk WELCOME, LYRA WILLIAMS flashing on the screen. I checked to see if any of my friends on the other side of the world had logged on to chat. Apparently not, since I checked my buddy list and no one was on.

Flustered, I decided to get dressed(I was too awake now, I never could go back to sleep after about ten minutes of being awake and doing stuff), and find something useful to do with my time today. There was no use lounging round the house today, the daytime television was horrible around here and normally my friends got online around 4:00 in the afternoon. I was standing there, waiting for something to occur to me, when I glanced out the window. Behind the gated community I call home lay a forest of pine trees, in which many a time bored retirees would attempt to go out hiking in, but would not be able to get five feet up the mountain before getting out of breath and deciding to eat the "lunch" they brought with them(mashed cardboard with a dash of flavour and sour milk) before going back home to their 552 cats and smelly old houses. I packed a small lunch, dressed in my jeans and a tee, and slipping on the hiking boots my father had bought. I slipped my knapsack upon my back, placing a bottle of water in the mesh netting on the outside and grabbing my keys to the house. I then realized that, at this time of the morning, no sane person would be out and about, as it was a) cold and b) there were still the extremely late night partiers still out and about, and I didn't feel the need for being raped or murdered tonight.

I sighed, heading back up to my room. I checked the clock.4:30 A.M. It was about an hour and a half before any sane person would decide to head out to go anywhere, so I settled in to reading my newest few installments of several different mangas I hadn't gotten around to reading.


	2. Dimensional Rift of Doom and Ninjas

**Sorry this chapter was so small. ^^'**

**As usual, I don't own the Akatsuki. *sadface*****

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Of course, by the time I finished the books, it was 6:30. A half hour after I had planned to leave, but never the less. I grabbed my keys, slipping on my backpack once again and activating the alarm. I sat down in the pickup truck, sticking the key in the ignition and revving the engine to get it going in the frosty morning chills. I backed up, heading down the hill, waving at Mrs. Peckly, who was gardening while her little chihuahua barked at every single falling leaf.

I turned down the small dirt road that guided me to the little "parking lot" at the entrance to the forest hiking area. I parked, hopping out onto the gravel. I decided to check the weather-worn message board for any closed trails. There were just the usual papers, telling me to watch out for snakes, be careful, don't die, etc., etc.

I started down the narrow path, which wasn't as worn as I would have thought. Guess the seniors hadn't been here in a while(well, it was winter).The crisp mountain air filled my lungs, and I felt oddly at home. Not many people knew of these prime hiking spots, so I was pretty much alone on this quiet mountain, with the only noises I could hear being my footsteps thudding softly on the ground and the whispering of a brook nearby as it flowed down the mountain. I walked until I came to a sturdy riverbank edge, and sat down, staring at the reflection of the trees and sky on the stream.

_Konan sat on the far side of the couch, using the end table as a place to fold some junk mail into colorful origami. _"_Cheapskate..._" _she murmured to herself, thinking about Kakuzu. His cap on Akatsuki's weekly spending didn't alot her_ _any money for actual paper, so she made do with cutting up bits of junk mail and newspaper that the guys didn't want. Of course, they weren't as pristine as she would have preferred them, she hated the fact there were words on some parts of the folded pieces of paper, and the fact that sometimes the news ink rubbed off on her fingers._

"_Who's a cheapskate, Konan-chan?"_ _Tobi asked, peeking his orange mask over the couch._

_Konan jumped,_ _causing her to make a crease in the wrong spot. She sighed. "Don't worry about it, Tobi." she said, desperately trying to unfold the crease._

"_Okay. So what is Konan-chan doing?" Tobi asked._

"_Trying to fold origami. Now go away." She said, finally undoing what Tobi had made her do._

I jolted as I woke again. I guess I had never realized that I fell asleep, only to dream of more Akatsuki happenings. It was kinda unnerving, but nevertheless. Checking the sky, I found that it was still early, so I had obviously not been asleep for hours and hours. I decided to continue on, after I pulled out my deep red jacket and shrugged it on. Staying still for so long made me extremely cold, so it was nice to have the extra layer of clothing.

I trudged on, dusting the sand off my pants and shivering in my jacket as I slowly warmed up. I kept going down the trails, thinking deeply as I walked, not really paying any attention to where I was going. Eventually, I ran into a tree.

I stumbled back, surprised. But what got me next was the gigantic swirling hole in the clearing right in front of me. I was tempted to walk over and check it out, but before I could, a humanoid form shot out of the hole and slammed into a tree on the opposite side. I wanted to go help him(it seemed obviously a man) but I had a gut feeling to stay hidden behind the tree. I soon realized why.

When the figure stood, I recognized him: it was Sasori, from the Akatsuki.


	3. Why I Never Wanted to Meet the Akatsuki

**Why hello, faithful readers. Or maybe you're reading this for the first time. Either way, welcome to the latest installment. So...yeah. I don't own the Akatsuki, or anything Naruto related. I do own Lyra. SHE'S MINE.**

**Anyway. Read on! Please review!**

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My breath froze in my throat, and I didn't dare to speak, for fear he might see me.

"That's the last time I participate in any ritual with that bastard." he grumbled to himself, dusting off his limbs(I could hear the creaking and scraping, since he was a puppet) and cloak.

Of course, a few seconds after he had picked himself up, another figure came flying out of the hole, and slammed into him, therefore making him slam into the tree again.

"That was fun! Can Tobi do it again?" The man in the orange mask asked, bouncing right back from the impact.

"GERROFF ME!" Sasori yelled from under Tobi, sending him flying in another direction, only to slam into another tree.

"Tobi's sorry. But it was hard for Tobi not to hit Sasori. Sasori-san was right in front of Tobi."

Sasori grumbled, standing and moving out of the line of direct fire. Just in time, as well, since Kisame came flying out of the hole next, followed by Itachi and Zetsu. Over a period of about ten minutes, starting from when Sasori shot out, the entire Akatsuki organization were spat out of the hole. After all the deadly ninjas came out, the hole closed, and the forest returned to normal. Other than the fact that ten S-rank ninjas were loose in here, of course.

"Hidan, this does not look like Konoha." Pein asked, rubbing his head.

"I told you, Jashin-sama puts us where ever the fuck he wants." Hidan snapped, popping his neck.

"Fine then. Where did Jashin drop us off?"

"How the fuck am I supposed to know?"

Pein made a sound of annoyance, before offering assistance to Konan to help her up. She cooly declined, standing of her own accord and glaring briefly at Pein.

"I hate to interrupt the argument, but our conversation is not private." Zetsu said(from my perspective I couldn't see which side had said that). He gestured to my tree, and I swore silently before Sasori seized me by the strap of my backpack.

"Found a little rat." he sneered, shoving me forward into the clearing.

I folded my arms, glaring up at Pein(curse him for being so tall, although I was only 5'4''), trying to hide the fact I was scared out of my wits. "Any idea how she got here? Don't think she came through with us."

"Of course not. I would have noticed." Hidan piped up, looking mildly offended.

"Perhaps she was here before we came." Itachi said in a soft voice.

"Can we blow her up, un?" Deidara asked, receiving a glare from me.

"Perhaps we should let her live. We are in a different world, I believe." The white half of Zetsu spoke up. "**Even though she looks delicious.**"

"Tobi likes this girl!" Tobi piped up, wrapping me up in a bear hug.

"Tobi, you like everyone, un." Deidara scowled.

I rolled my eyes, whirling around and simply walking away from the Akatsuki. I guess they weren't used to people turning their backs on them(lest they want a knife in it), so they stood there for a few moments before realizing that their feet actually COULD move. Sasori caught me again be my hood. "What's your name, girl?" he asked, seething a little.

I whirled again, turning to face Sasori. Deliberating a little, I finally said, "Lyra."

He nodded, releasing my hood from his grasp. "Well then, Lyra. Where did you think you were going?"

"Uhm, home. That's where you normally go when you're done hiking. Or, in my case, done being stalked and annoyed by S-rank deadly criminal ninjas. Whichever label you prefer for what is happening." I said, feeling myself bristling. I was oddly unafraid now, just peeved.

Pein came up behind Sasori. "Then take us with you."

Well, that was an odd statement. Extremely unlikely as well, since they're, well, you know. Super deadly ninjas, blah blah blah. I crossed my arms. "Since when do people invite mass murderers to their place of living?"

"Since now. We're sparing your life, girl. You should be grateful."

"Oh yes, I'm soooo grateful." I grumbled, but nevertheless I "allowed" them to follow me(I couldn't protest much, I like living, thank you). When we arrived at my truck, I whirled around again. "You know that only three of you can come with me in the truck, right?" I told Pein, who was glaring at me. I think Pein has only two facial expressions: impassive, and glaring. Whereas the other Akatsuki seem to have a plethora of facial expressions, with the exception of Itachi. He just had one expression: unemotional. I think he lives in emo corner.

"TOBI CALLS SHOTGUN!" Tobi yelled, running right by me to slam into the passenger side door(it looked rather painful, actually). Pein sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Fine." I said. "You, Konan, and Mr. Leadery person." I took my keys from my backpack, unlocking the truck. Tobi, of course, immediately opened the door and sat in the car, bouncing excitedly. Konan and Pein got in the back, and I started the truck. "What are we going to do about the others?"

"They're going to follow us." Pein said dryly. "Now shut up and drive."


	4. Complications

**Hello, readers. I'm thinking of adding another OC, so if you have any ideas please send it in a mail or on a review. Happy reading!**

**As per usual, I have not bought the copyrights to the Akatsuki, therefore I don't own them. Sad face. :(

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I grumbled, putting the truck in gear and driving down the dirt road, back to the gated community. I drove up to my two story house, parking in the driveway. I took the key from the ignition, and the second I got out of my truck the other seven Akatsuki members arrived.

Damn, they were fast.

"Taadaa. This is my house. I have taken you there. Will you leave now?" I asked.

"Pein-sama just doesn't want to say we don't know what to do." Tobi piped up, squatting near my cat, letting him sniff his hand.

Pein grit his teeth. "This is a different world." he said, as if to cover up the embarrassment that they didn't know what the hell was going on, much like me.

I snickered. "Whatever. Come on, then." I unlocked the door, turning off the alarm as it started to blare.

"So, this is the interior of my house. Don't like it, tough." I said, hanging the keys on the hook I always put them on. "Please put large sharp objects, such as the scythe and big ass sword, over there in the far corner."

"Why?" Hidan asked, with an air of annoyance.

"Because sharp objects hurt people, hurt people normally bleed, blood stains the carpets, and its expensive to get out as well as hard to explain. So sharp objects over there." I pointed, well, pointedly.

Kisame grunted, grudgingly placing his sword(rather delicately, I must say) in the kitchen corner. Hidan glared at me for a little bit, then stuck his scythe in the corner. Literally.

"Aww, does the baby want to hold on to his scythie?" Kakuzu said, speaking for the first time around me.

"Shut up, Kakuzu." Hidan snapped.

"So yeah." I said, trying to puzzle out what I was going to do now. I had ten deadly ninjas in my house. Oh, and me. Life was going to get interesting.

"So, what? What do we do now?" Pein asked, leaning on the kitchen counter.

"I don't know. You're the leader. So, leader, lead."

"It would help if you told us where we were." He sighed, as if talking to me was SO complicated.

"You're in Northern California." I said, lounging around on my dad's chair. I motioned for them to sit. "Go ahead, sit."

The Akatsuki looked around, then sank into a few of the chairs that dotted the living room. I stared at them. "So."

Pein made a sound of annoyance. "You aren't very helpful, are you."

I attempted to copy his voice. "You aren't very patient, are you." I received a few snickers from that.

Pein grit his teeth, before hurling a shuriken at my head. I was able to dodge it, but just barely. I could feel the gust of wind, but calmly removed the shuriken from the chair. "Chill, dude. I'm just joking with you." I turned to glare at him, as he sat in his chair, calmly trying to control his anger.

"So. You want to know where you are? You're in a different world than you actually wanted to be. You wanted Konoha? You way overshot." Hidan received many glares after that.

"You told us we could be put right in Konoha!" Kisame stood up quickly, reaching for his sword then remembering it was actually in the kitchen.

"Yeah. COULD." Hidan pointed out.

"That's the last time I participate in a ritual with you, Hidan, un." Deidara said, crossing his arms, and I caught a glimpse of his hands. Eew. There were the mouths. I shuddered.

"ANYway..." I piped up, bringing the attention back to me. "You are now in a world where you are only supposed to exist in manga and anime."

Pein threw an incredulous glare at me, prompting me to quickly go up to my room and grab a volume of Naruto in which most of them were there. I tossed it casually to Pein, who proceeded to flip through it, pausing only ever so often to stare at a page or so. "Interesting." was his only comment. After finishing, he passed the book on to the other members of the Akatsuki.

"So then. What are we to do?" Pein asked.

"I dunno. You'll have to lay low, there are a lot of Narutards who might recognize you, or other people who would think you're dumb cosplayers."

"Cosplayers?" Kisame asked.

"People who dress up like anime or manga characters." I explained. Kisame looked surprised.

"Like...they dress up as us?" he asked. "How would they get my skin tone right? Or, for that matter, Zetsu's?"

"I don't know. Or for that matter, I don't know how they get the giant plant. BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT. The point is, you're too conspicuous as you are. You just need to shed the cloaks for something...normal. Ish." I said. "You can't just stay here the rest of summer."

"Well, we obviously can't go out and GET stuff, and you no doubt do not have random guy's clothes just laying around." Pein said.

"No." I had gotten rid of all my father's clothes after he died. For some reason, I never thought serial killer ninjas may someday be in my house. I know, strange me. "But I do have girl's clothes, and Konan seems to be about my size. And she no doubt knows what you guys prefer in clothing. Or something along those lines." I said. Konan nodded, and I peered around the room to see if there were any objections. None came up, so I supposed that it was all good and agreed upon.

"So then, what are we to do when we have the clothes of this world?" Itachi said.

"Uhm, lets see. Not kill people, not terrorize, generally not be serial killers nor rapists. This world has a much better police force and justice system. You'd be caught quickly." I could see Hidan opening his mouth to object. "It can't be helped. Sacrifice a pet or something."

Whilst Hidan simmered and the rest of the Akatsuki just kinda... just sat there, I lead Konan up to my room to try and find some clothes that might fit her as close as possible. I eventually found a pair of skinny jeans(and a belt, the waistline wasn't small enough, much to Konan's happy surprise) and a V-cut black tee. "Come on. I have enough to buy them an outfit each." I said, thankful for the odd jobs I was able to pity out of people when I said my dad had died.

"Alright boys." I said, grabbing my keys from their hook. "We're off to the mall. Don't destroy the house." I got mumbled goodbyes and promises to be good.

Then I started the car, and Konan and I were on our way to the mall. I just hoped Konan wouldn't flip out and go on a killing spree. Fingers crossed.


	5. Hooray for Almost Normalicy!

**Sorry this one took a while, I was busy. ^^'**

**But enjoy! As per usual, the Akatsuki are not mine. They should be though.

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So, the ride to the mall was kinda quiet. Konan didn't say much, so I turned on the radio. She was mildly startled at the fact that music started pouring from the speakers, but quickly calmed down when I told her this was normal.

Once we got to the mall, I quickly parked near a department store and cut the ignition. "Alright. Here we are." Konan stared at the three-story building, taking in everything with a quiet curiosity. I guided Konan to the guy's section of clothes, looking around and feeling somewhat out of my element shopping for boys.

In about an hour we were able to get the boys an outfit each, ringing up a total of 200 bucks(thankfully the shirts were on sale, but the jeans where expensive). Riding back to the house, I hoped I didn't come back to a destroyed house or no house at all. Konan was a tad more talkative this time.

Fortunately, when we got back the house was still standing. I rolled into the driveway, only to be tackled and knocked me over. By Tobi.

"Haaaiiii!" he said. "Tobi missed Lyra!"

"I was only gone a half hour." I said, thankful that Konan had grabbed the bags of clothes, otherwise they would have gone everywhere.

Deidara pulled Tobi off me, offering his hand to help me up. I politely declined, not wanting to be bitten by his hand-mouths, which I found quite disturbing. "Konan has the clothes." I said, pointing at the bags. "Go change and then meet us back in the living room."

"TOBI GETS FIRST PICK!" Tobi yelled, lunging for Konan and the clothes, but Konan put a hand up, making Tobi smash into it.

"Wait until we've gotten inside. We've both been attacked by you and we haven't even gotten inside. So move." she said, staring intimidatingly at Tobi, causing him to back off. She gently pulled my arm towards the door.

I grabbed a pair of scissors, opening the bags and snipping off the tags. Konan separated the shirts and pants into pairings, and handed them to the boys, who in turn went to quickly change.

"Hey, where can we put our cloaks?" Pein asked, who was now wearing dark-wash jeans and a black Three Days Grace shirt.

I pointed at the hall closet, which was empty now that Dad was gone. Soon everyone had changed and were now looking pretty much normal. Well, as normal as S-class criminal ninjas can be.

"Taa daa. Now you actually look like people. Although Kakuzu, Zetsu, and Kisame aren't going to look anywhere near normal." I said. I still don't know how Zetsu fit hit plant-head through the shirt.

Kakuzu grunted, staring at his stitches. "So I'm going to be stuck inside the house with the cannibal and the fish-man?"

"Well, not inside the house, but in the neighborhood or the forest." I replied, wincing. "It's honestly the best I can do, what with you guys looking not-so-normal."

Kakuzu made a sound of annoyance. Zetsu shrugged, as if he expected it. "So we can at least go to the forest." Kisame spoke up.

"As long as you go the back way. You can't be walking around with that tone of skin. People will be asking questions." I shrugged.

Kisame grit his teeth, but didn't argue.

"Sooo...what now?" Hidan asked.

"I dunno. Shall we ask te ever-wise leader?" I said, turning to Pein, who flicked my ear. "Ow!"

"Well, since Mr. Leadery person doesn't want to help, we could always watch TV." I said, plopping down on the couch and turning on the television.

"TV?" Hidan asked, sinking into a chair, staring at the television.

"Yup. We get to watch people in a funny little box. Won't that be fun?" I said. "Ooh, look, Naruto Shippuden's on! We can watch that!" I flicked to the channel, which ironically enough was the episode where Gaara's jinchuuriki was going to be sucked out. So all the Akatsuki were there! Yaaay!

The Akatsuki were enraptured by the box, Tobi even poked it to see if he could touch the people inside. "Tobi, you can't poke them in there." I said. "So down in front."


	6. High School and Remote Fights

**Welcome to the latest installment of Enter: Akatsuki! Please remember I had their ages altered so that they may attend high schol. Thank you for not sending hate mail or groaning about it on a review.**

**As per usual, I do not own the Akatsuki. I didn't buy the copyrights yet. Not enough money. :(**

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It was weird, living with ten other people. While some technology marveled them, I made sure to keep them away from my toaster. Apparently launching toast scares ninjas. Who knew.

The weeks passed by kinda like slugs, since I really didn't have much money to feed eleven people. I awoke one morning, dressed, and plodded down to the kitchen and reached for my cereal, only to find and empty cupboard. After rifling through the kitchen and finding most of the cupboards empty, I finally managed to find a small package of ramen and cooked it up. Hooray for unconventional breakfasts.

"Okay, guys and one gal." I said once I got into the living room. "We are going to have to do something about the food and money situation."

"I thought you had a lot of food?" Kisame asked, confused.

"I did. But surprisingly enough, when you have eleven people under one roof and eating from the same kitchen, a lot of food magically disappears." I retorted, swallowing a mouthful of yummy noodles. "Same with money."

"Soo...you're going to get a job?" Pein asked, eating some of...hey! He finished off my cereal! How dare he.

"Correction. You're going to get a job." I declared, much to their annoyance.

Apparently that was not a popular idea.

"Why, un?" Deidara asked.

"Because if you guys are going to live here and eat my food, you should have to pay for some of that food." I said, grabbing the newspaper from Kakuzu, who let out a grunt of annoyance.

I flipped through the paper until I found the classified ads. "And you can start your search here."

Pein snatched the paper from my hands. "As leader, I get first dibs on jobs." he declared. The others rolled their eyes.

"If you don't find jobs there, you can always go to the nearby outdoor mall and ask for job applications." I shrugged.

So most of the Akatsuki were able to get jobs, working withing walking distance of the house. I found it amusing that Itachi got a job babysitting.

I was just glad that now there was more than one income going towards food and taxes and all that stuff.

One day as I came home from my job, I picked up the mail and noticed a package from my school. "Crap!" I said. I would probably have to enroll the Akatsuki that were that age, which meant EVERYONE but Kakuzu. Kisame and Zetsu obviously couldn't go, the Narutards would recognize them.

Fortunately the package included a few extra enrollment slips, just in case I suddenly gained high-school age siblings over the summer. Which I kinda did.

"Yo! Ninjas in the house! Get your butts down here!" I shouted. Although since practically everyone was at a job, only Itachi and Deidara came down. I guess Kisame and Co. went for a hike. Or something.

"You rang, un?" Deidara said, falling onto the couch.

"Yeah. A school package came today. You guys need to enroll."

I swear that if Deidara had had water in his mouth that would have been an extremely impressive spit-take. "Why, un?"

"Because I won't have you lazing around the house while I go to school and have to constantly worry about wether or not there will be a house when I come home." I retorted.

At just that moment, Tobi burst through the front door. "TOBI IS BACK!" he yelled, running into the kitchen to grab a soda. It was only a few seconds until he zoomed back into the living room and sat down next to Deidara. "What are Sempai and the others talking about?"

"School, un." Deidara griped.

"School? Tobi wants to go to school! Tobi wants to see the more people(1)!" Tobi said, bouncing up and down on the couch, splashing soda everywhere.

"You know, Tobi, you're supposed to DRINK the soda. Not spread it around." I said sarcastically.

"Tobi's sorry."

"So, yeah. Fill these out." I said handing them one of the slips each.

Deidara griped, then grinned evilly. "I can't go, un. I have mouths on my hands."

"There's this magical thing we have here called GLOVES." I said, tossing him a pair of fingerless gloves. "See? Problem solved. Hooray."

"Shouldn't we use different names?" Itachi asked softly. "They may think it's a joke if we use names from a manga that hasn't been around long enough to have high-school age kids named after characters."

I shrugged. "If you want."

"Tobi's name will be Tammy!" Tobi yelled.

"That's a girl's name." I said. "You could keep your name. Tobi is kinda common."

"But Tobi wants a different name!" He protested.

"Then choose a guy name." I shrugged.

"Can Tobi be Todd?"

"Why are you choosing names that start with T? You could have any letter, un." Deidara said.

"Tobi likes T." he explained, writing down the name Todd.

The front door opened. "Back." Hidan said, then peered over to see what the others were doing. "Enrollment forms? For what?"

"High school. Take." I said, handing him a form.

"Whhyyyy?" Hidan asked, raising an eyebrow and taking the paper.

"Cuz I said so. Either school, or staying home and staying inside for the entire day with Kakuzu, Zetsu and Kisame."

Hidan shrugged, then sat next to Tobi. "Why'd you put the name Todd?"

I got bored, and decided to go up to my room. "Make sure the others get one, 'kay?"

I logged on to the computer, checking if my friends were on. Apparently not.

I leaned back on my computer chair, grabbing a book from my shelf. I put my feet up, opening the book to the bookmark and burying my nose inside it.

I'm not sure how much time passed, but I only noticed it was dark outside when I heard a crash downstairs. I raced down the stairs, only to find Hidan and Deidara at each other's throats. "What's going on here?"

"Deidara's a fucking whiney bitch! That's what's happening!" Hidan yelled.

"Me? You're the one who stole the remote, un!" Deidara shouted.

I grabbed the remote and shut the TV off. "If you can't play nice, you can't play at all. No more TV."

"What? But-" Hidan protested.

"Nope. No but's. No more TV for tonight." I said, plodding back up to my room with remote in hand.

Pretty soon Konan came up(she and I are roommates) and plopped down on her bed(my bed was a trundle, so there was another mattress under my own bed). "Ugh. Boys are so strange." she groaned.

"What happened this time?" I asked, not looking up from my book.

"Hidan and Deidara are yelling at each other. Apparently you took away TV privileges for tonight?" she explained, looking at me.

"Yeah. They were at each other's throats." I shrugged.

"Ah."

* * *

**(1) This is an inside joke among my family. Apparently when I was a kid and my fam and I went to the zoo, I would yell "I WANT TO SEE THE MORE ANIMALS!" So yeah...**


	7. High School Never Ends

**IT'S FINALLY DONE! I apologize for such a long time in between chapters, I hope to get the next one out soon!**

**And I don't own the Akatsuki. I should, though. I think so. And if you think they're out of character...I don't care. So enjoy!**

* * *

When I woke the next morning, I went downstairs to find most of the Akatsuki awake. "You guys are up early." I mentioned.

"Do we get our TV privileges back?" Deidara asked. He was staring at the blank screen, a bored expression on his face.

I rolled my eyes, but tossed him the remote. He immediately turned it on to some random show.

I grabbed some cereal and took my breakfast upstairs, watching random videos on You Tube. Konan was flipping through a volume of Naruto, laughing like crazy as she read about Hidan and Kakuzu's death. "This is hilarious!" she said. "They're dying!"

"Yeeeaaaahhhh. That's normally what happens to antagonists." I shrugged, mildly disturbed at the joy she was finding at her cohorts demises.

"Meh." She said, putting down the book. "So, what's up for today?"

"I don't know. The guys are enraptured again by the magic of television. We could just hang around the house."

"But that's boring. The house has, like, nothing to do." Konan said, leaning back into the wall.

"Well, school starts tomorrow, so you've got that distraction to look forward to!" I said, trying for cheerful and only managing a grimace.

Konan sighed. "Hooraaaay."

"I never said it was a FUN distraction." I said, falling back into my beanbag chair. "You just need to try and blend."

"Meh."

Waking up the next day at six in the morning was not fun, especially when I had to go around waking everyone up.

Note to self: always wake grumpy ninjas through closed doors. They may not have chakra, but their ability to throw sharp things came through juuuust fine. Fortunately for my I'm-awake-now-I'm-not-going-back-to-sleep kinda thing, I was awake enough to barely dodge them. Or I'd be starting school with more than a few cuts.

"Come on! Get your lazy butts down here!" I yelled, quickly opening a box of Pop Tarts and throwing one at each person as they came down the stairs, groggy but technically awake.

"Most of you are gonna have to walk, or whatever it is ninjas do, and follow my truck to school. I can only take three of you, as our earlier endeavor displayed." I said, leaning against the kitchen counter as soon as everyone was downstairs with a backpack.

Boy, did I get a lot of groaning from that one.

"You wake us up at six, then expect us to get our brains in gear enough to walk to school then participate in learning?" Hidan moped, closing his eyes and trying to go back to sleep.

"I call shotgun." Pein announced sleepily, sipping coffee.

"Of course you do." Hidan mumbled grumpily. "I wanna be in the truck too."

"So does Tobi!" Tobi shouted, RIGHT IN MY EAR. I swear that guy is always hyper, no matter how early it is. Cannot fathom how he does it.

"Fine, whatever." I said, grabbing the keys to my house and my backpack and ushering all ninjas attending school out. "All right. If you're going to be running or whatever, jumping from trees, I dunno, just keep yourselves hidden."

"Yeah, yeah, let's just get this day over with." Hidan said, opening one of the truck's back doors and falling in. I rolled my eyes, getting in the drivers seat and gunned the engine. Tobi bounced in next to Hidan, who moved as far away from Tobi as possible (which really was only a few inches) and leaned against the window.

The drive to school was really quiet. Tobi had his face pressed up against the window (I had to convince him to leave his precious orange mask at home), and was staring out at all the other cars and people. He occasionally saw one of the others leaping from tree to tree in this a much wooded city, and instantly began to spazz-wave.

"Tobi, for the last time, they cannot see you and will not wave back." Hidan snapped.

I raised an eyebrow at him. "SOMEONE woke up on the wrong side of the bed today." I said.

"Well, I wasn't expecting to be woken on said wrong side of the bed at SIX IN THE FUCKING MORNING." He shot back.

"Fair enough." I said as we turned into the school parking lot. Of course, the other ninja people caught up to us about 0.5 seconds after I turned off the engine, so we didn't have to wait long.

"Okay, people, let me go over the rules. No raping, no stealing, no killing. Hidan, no sacrificing. Get it? Got it? Good." I turned and began walking into the school, heading towards the place that my friends and I always hung out at, which we affectionately called "The Wall", which was a useless wall in the middle of the school. My best friend, Allie, was already there, her backpack at her feet, a bored expression on her face. She lit up when she saw me, and promptly tackle-hugged me.

"LYRA!" she yelled (again, in my ear). "I haven't seen you in forever!" Which wasn't true, I had seen her just a few days before a certain ninja organization performed a certain ritual and were teleported into a certain forest in front of a certain girl.

But I digress.

"OMG who are these people?" Allie asked, bouncing up and down. She was reminding me a lot of Tobi…..

I quickly introduced each and every one of the Akatsuki to Allie, using the names they had given themselves, of course. Or, had asked me to give them. Those boys had a creativity-inhibiting tumor and I know one of these days it's going to kill them.

But again, I digress.

It certainly took a while for all my friends to arrive, grumpy, sleep-deprived, and hopped up on caffeine. And each time they arrived, I had to introduce them all. My excuse was they were Japanese transfer students, even though they didn't really look Asian, and my dad had filled out their forms just before he died so I wouldn't get lonely in the house(when I mentioned that, Allie elbowed me in the ribs suggestively, which earned her a bonk on the head).

The bell soon rang, and we all went to our first periods. Itachi was in my first, as well as my sixth. The only other ninjas that were in any of my classes were Deidara and Konan, who were in both my third and fourth periods.

Lunch time rolled around, and everyone assembled again at the Wall.

"So, is this what it's like every day?" Konan asked in a low voice as my other friends went off to go buy lunch after "dropping off" their back packs (really, they threw them as high as they could then watched them crash to the ground) then racing each other to the outrageously long food line (Really. 3,000 kids and one lunch period. Fail, school system.)

"Pretty much. The utter insanity of me and my friends yelling, someone telling us to shut up. Rinse, lather, repeat." I said, popping a sour worm into my mouth.

"Huh. When I asked for a distraction…."

"I know. This isn't what you meant. But, it keeps us occupied. Since we really have nothing better to do with our lives." I shrugged.

The bell rang, ushering us to our next classes.

When finally our day was over, I threw my backpack into the bed of my truck. "Okay." I said. "New people in the truck. I choose…..Konan, Sasori, aaandd….Itachi."

The ride home was almost as quiet as the ride to school.


	8. Mothering Homicidal Ninjas

**Here's the next chapter, folks. I don't own the Akatsuki, and if you think they're not in character...I don't care.**

**So please, enjoy! Please read and review!**

* * *

When I arrived home with ninjas in tow, Kisame, Zetsu, and Kakuzu were all lounging about watching TV.

"Must be nice…." Hidan grumbled, dropping his backpack in a corner then falling down on the couch. "IIIIII HAAAATEEEEE SCHOOOOOLLLLL."

"SOOO DOOO IIIIII." I groaned, throwing his backpack at him. "But it's not over yet! You have HOMEWORK TO DO! The very best part of school!"

Hidan looked at me as if I had just sprouted an extra head that was speaking Pig Latin. "Isn't it fucking enough that we have to spend the majority of our day there, but now we have to do MORE? Fuck this shit, I'm not doing it." he grabbed the remote and turned on the TV.

I grabbed the remote from him and turned off the television. "Hidan, do your homework or I will hit you with a frying pan."

He raised an eyebrow at me. "You wouldn't dare, bitch."

I went into the kitchen and grabbed the nearest frying pan, then held it above him. "Don't test me."

He grumbled, and made as much noise as possible while walking to the table and getting out his notebooks and pencils. I left the boys to their grumbling, bickering, and copying and headed up to my room.

I seem to be spending a lot more time up there now.

Konan had silently slipped up there as I was threatening Hidan with cooking implements, and had already begun her English work, with papers spread out all over her bed. "The boys behaving themselves?" she asked, filling in answers on a vocabulary worksheet.

"Kinda." I said, hearing shouting and things going BAM! as the boys hit each other with different random items.

"I see." She said, coolly flipping through a dictionary.

I yanked open the door after hearing a loud crash. "IF I COME DOWN THERE AND SOMEONE BROKE SOMETHING OR SOMEONE ELSE, THERE'S GONNA BE HELL TO PAY!"

They quieted down after that. Kinda. I settled down at my desk to work on the current event I had due the next day for Health.

"I don't know why they're complaining." Konan said. "This stuff is very easy."

"They just want to watch TV. They're hooked on Mythbusters." I shrugged, typing the muck my teacher wanted to see quickly, then moving onto French.

"Ah yes. I've heard them shouting at the TV when an episode ends with no big explosion." Konan nodded, snapping the dictionary closed and moving on to calculus.

"But you've got to admit, explosions are pretty fun to watch." I pointed out, flicking to the glossary of my French textbook.

"Mmmn." Was all she said, punching a few numbers into her calculator and writing the answer down.

We were silent for a while after that, until Hidan barged into our room. "Okay. I did the fucking homework. Give me the fucking remote."

I spun around in my swivel-chair (damn I love that thing). "Is everyone else done with their work?"

"Yeah." He said, holding his hand out for the remote. I rolled my eyes, but tossed him the remote.

"Are you sure they should be watching so much television?" Konan asked, packing her things away.

"It keeps them out of my hair. Unless they decide to fight each other for the remote again." I said, sighing as I heard more loud crashes and swearing.. "I really should figure out a remote schedule."

"Or stop paying the cable bill." She suggested.

"Do YOU want to try and entertain them? I know guys. If they've got nothing to do, they will resort to fighting for entertainment. I don't think this house could stand much of that." I said, pulling out a sheet of construction paper. "I really hate that I have to treat them like little kids."

"It's not easy. I was the 'mommy' back in our world. They bicker over everything." She said, sitting in her own swivel chair and crossing the room. "I'll help. Hidan hates to be anything BUT first, so if you put him anytime else he WILL complain. A lot."

I drew up a chart, labeled it REMOTE SCHEDULE, and drew lines, writing each of the guy's names in a different color. "Think they'll mind?"

Konan half-smiled. "I doubt they will." She chuckled as I wrote Hidan's name in sparkly pink.

As soon as we worked out the remote chart, I drew up another and labeled it CHORES. "I am NOT doing their laundry." I said. "And they better do their fair share of chores around this house too."

After finishing the two charts, I bounded down, dragging Konan with me, to present the charts. We found (to our lack of surprise) the guys, at each other's throats, over the remote. "GUYS!" I yelled, getting only some attention. I quickly grabbed the remote from where it had been flung before the brawl started, and turned to the Disney Channel, which was playing the theme song for Hannah Montana. I turned the volume all the way up, getting the attention I wanted. I turned it down, then turned off the TV.

"Okay, guys, enough. This is, what, the second brawl over the remote?"

"Third." Kisame interjected, pulling Hidan off of Deidara to prevent Deidara from getting a bone snapped.

"Third?"

"You were asleep." He said.

"I see. Nevertheless, it's got to stop. My house can't take all this. Which is why…." I flamboyantly pulled out the chart. "I made a TV remote chart! Collectively, you get three hours of TV a day. You get to have the remote and choose what you watch for an hour of that." I stuck the chart to the wall just over the TV. "If someone forfeits their turn, it goes to the next person on the chart. This is in effect now." I handed the remote to Hidan. "If you do not obey the chart, you forfeit your next turn. If you do this multiple times, you lose TV privileges for a day, mounting up to me eventually throwing the TV out the window and forcing you guys to watch."

A mass grumble went through the boys, but no one complained.

"Aren't you forgetting the other chart, Lyra?" Konan reminded me, a smile in her voice.

"Oh yes! The chores chart!" I said, whipping out the other chart.

"Fuck chores, I'm not doing that shit." Hidan said. "You've already got me working, and on a remote schedule, and in school, now chores?"

"Did I mention no chores, no TV?" I taunted, taking the remote away from him.

"Fuck you, bitch." Hidan sulked, but turned to look at the chart.

"If you all do your chores every day for the month, we might go somewhere fun." Konan said. "At least, fun according to Lyra."

"Alright, fine." Deidara said, watching me as I put the chores chart next to the TV remote chart. "What's my first chore?"


	9. TOO MUCH FIGHTING!

**Here's the next exciting installment! Hooray! Enjoy! I wrote it for YOU. Yes, you. *pokes* Sorry it took so long, though, whenever I tried to upload it I got an error message. =.= But it's working now! Yaaay!**

**The Akatsuki are not mine. So there. Disclaimer for you.**

* * *

The Akatsuki, surprisingly, is actually quite good at cleaning. I think they enjoy it a little too much.

But whatever. The house is getting cleaned, and I didn't have to lift a finger. Ah, how I love my power over the television.

Hidan was in the kitchen, washing dishes, and getting in the way of Zetsu, our current cook.

"Move!" I heard coming from the kitchen. **"It's bad enough we can't cook you, but you get in our way?"**

"Well, fuck you, I'm doing the dishes!" Hidan said. I was trying to hold in laughter as I watched him wash the dishes wearing pink latex gloves.

"**Well, do them faster!" **Zetsu griped, before stirring a pot of I don't know what.

"I can't! This one had dried-on ramen!" he glared at me, then scrubbed the bowl even harder.

I heard something go BONK, and then Hidan and Zetsu were fighting. Again. I sighed, then walked to the kitchen. "GUYS!" I yelled, attracting their attention. "Do you think we can possibly go one day without trying to kill each other?"

"He started it!" They both yelled in unison.

Kisame sighed, and paused in his dusting long enough to settle the dispute. I shook my head. What was I going to do with these guys?

I went upstairs to my room, where Konan was tidying my manga shelves. "Are the boys behaving themselves?" she asked, amused by the look on my face.

"Well, Deidara lost his temper when Kisame moved a chair in the way of his vacuuming and almost blew it up, and Hidan and Zetsu got in a fight because they were being kitchen hogs." I began stripping the bed of sheets so I could wash them. "Honestly, they get in fights every day. Were they like this back in your world?"

"Kind of. When things got too hectic, Pein threw them in the van, sometimes literally, and took them on a trip to the beach or something. To unwind and, I dunno, play sports. Do boy things." Konan said.

"A beach trip?" I asked.

"Or something similar." She replied, stripping her own bed and shoving the sheets in the small hamper we had in our room. "Mind taking down the sheets?"

I shook my head, plopping mine on the top and squishing them so I could see over the top.

I headed down to the pantry/laundry room, and dumped the contents of the hamper into the washing machine, adding some detergent then marching back up.

"I guess we could go to the beach." I said, helping Konan to straighten my bookshelves. "There's a beach about an hour from here."

"And how EXACTLY are all of us going to go to the beach in that little truck of yours? You can't expect most of us to try and follow the truck on, what is it you call it… oh, the freeway. For an hour. We're not invincible." She pondered this for a moment. "Well, Hidan is, but not in the never-gets-tired way. Just in the never-dies way."

"True." I said. "But we could rent a van. But I call not driving."

Konan half-grinned. "Same."

I was about to go to the computer when Sasori burst into the room. "They're at it again….." he said quietly.

"Oh, for Pete's sake, now what." I grumbled, and stomped down to find Deidara and Hidan (that boy truly has aggression issues) at each other's throats. Again.

"DON'T (whack) FUCKING(whack) CALL (whack) ME (whack) GAY (whack) 'CAUSE (whack) I (whack) HAVE (whack) TO (whack) FUCKING(whack) USE (whack) FUCKING (whack) PINK (whack) GLOVES!" Hidan yelled, hitting Deidara's head one last time against the wall, leaving a dent.

Deidara tried to speak, but only squeaked from lack of air. Kisame was trying to un-clench Hidan's hand from around Deidara's neck, and Tobi was running around flailing his limbs. Very helpful, Tobi.

"Hey, did the TV just fall out the window?" I asked loudly, causing everyone (but Itachi and Pein, who were off doing their chores like good little boys and not the least interested in the fight, and of course Konan) to look my way semi-horrified. When they realized the TV was still on the TV mount and not in a bazillion pieces on the lawn, they relaxed. Kisame was able to pry Hidan off of killing Deidara.

"Okay, guys, seriously. The fighting needs to stop!" I said. "This house can't take all the abuse! And I can't handle the racket!"

"It's his fault!" Hidan yelled.

"I don't care! Chill!" I said. "This does it. WE NEED A BEACH TRIP."

The guys immediately perked up. "Beach trip?" could be heard murmured throughout the small crowd that had formed. Besides Tobi, who decided that California didn't have enough earthquakes and wanted to make a small one in the living room.

"BEACH TRIP! BEACH TRIP! BEACH TRIP!" he chanted over and over.

"Tobi! Sit!" I yelled, pointing down. He immediately sat criss-cross applesauce on the floor.

"Pein!" I yelled, and he peeked his head from in the library. "Find us an inexpensive van to rent! We're going to the beach!"

* * *

Fortunately, the place Pein decided to rent the van from delivered, so we didn't have to leave my truck in a random car lot.

Once the van arrived, I signed all the necessary paperwork and obtained the keys, then instructed the guys to load up all necessary items. I had to tell Tobi that my cat would not like the beach.

Thank God it was Sunday. I would have ditched, though, were it not.

Pein said he would drive, and I programmed the beach into the van's GPS so he wouldn't pester me about directions. I sat in the back, smooshed between Konan and Kisame. "Did everyone go to the bathroom?" I asked.

This immediately made the boys run out of the van, back into the house, competing for the bathroom. Konan sighed. "I told them to go before we got in the van." She muttered.

Fifteen minutes later, we were on the road, listening to complaints from different guys and the radio that was blasting, trying to drown out the guys.

"NO, I CAN'T turn right, that's a mountain!" Pein yelled at the GPS.

"Recalculating." It said in its creepy, robotic-yet-feminine voice.

"Damn right you are."

"Turn left."

"THAT'S A FOREST." Pein hit the off button(literally). "Lyra!"

"Get off at the next exit." I grumbled. The van swerved, to many honks and beeps of nearby cars. Pein had serious road rage.

After instructing Pein to the beach, I was surprised to find it almost empty. This was good, since I couldn't deny Kisame, Kakuzu and Zetsu a trip to the beach. We would just need to be super careful.


	10. Beach Trip!

**Uhm...yeah. This is the random lost chapter. I have no idea WHAT happened, the site started getting all glitchy on me and this fic is suffering. =(**

**Anyway. To all those people who started reading this, and were wondering about the beach trip, THIS is what happened. For everyone who wondered where this chapter went, well, here it is. YAY.**

* * *

"BEEEACH!" the guys yelled, flooding out of the car and stripping right down to their swim trunks as fast as they could, then racing into the water.

"Boys." Konan said, helping me to get out all the stuff we had brought. She calmly collected the boy's discarded clothing and threw it in the van, helping me as we brought out the tent, food, and a table. We set up next to one of the public grills the beach had, though I was careful to give it a good scrubbing before we lit the fire and even DARED to put food on. There were hotdogs and hamburgers, and Konan pulled out a little baggy of these chunks of meat that looked somewhat different than any meat I'd ever seen. She mouthed, "Zetsu's." to me, and I shuddered. Where had he gotten fresh… no, I don't want to know.

Konan began chopping up some watermelon while I monitored the meat and watched the guys play How Long Can We Keep Hidan Under Before He Maims Us. Apparently, the record goes to Sasori, for twelve and a half minutes.

They all seemed a hell of a lot happier here, most likely because they didn't have any chores…or homework…or anything…I think if they could bring a TV here, we couldn't drag them away at the cost of their lives.

Once all the food had been eaten, all the waves boogie boarded, and the guys had lost interest in volleyball, we all gathered around one of the cement rings and lit a fire, burning random crap as well as the wood we brought. No one knew how to play guitar, so we took to telling ghost stories.

"And they saw…on the handle of the car door…A HOOK!" Sasori lunged at Tobi at the end of his story, causing the poor boy to squeal and hide behind me.

"That was NOT FUNNY, Sasu-san!" Tobi grumped, squeezing between Konan and I. I offered him a marshmallow for roasting, which calmed him down enough for me to begin mine. "This one's called 'Mothman'."

"This couple was going on a date, and the guy thought it would be really romantic to take her up to Lover's Lookout, which was a really popular spot for couples to look over the city before making out." I took a sip of my Coke before continuing.

"The guy turned on the radio for some 'mood music', when there was an emergency broadcast over the waves. 'Rangers have been reporting sudden disappearances in the woods near Lover's Lookout. Please keep away from this area until the police have solved the problem.'"

"The girl paused, glancing out the window, looking really unsettled. 'What's wrong, babe?' the guy asks, shutting off the radio after the broadcast.

'I thought I heard something outside…' the girl said, looking around."

"'It was just your imagination, babe. Don't worry about anything.' The guy said, calming her down. They resumed making out, but only until there was a 'thump…thump…thump' outside in the woods."

"'Take me home!' The girl shrieked, pushing the guy away.

'Look, if I go outside and prove that there is NOTHING OUT THERE, will you be okay?' The girl nodded, and the boy got out of the car to search the woods, leaving the girl with the car keys."

"After about fifteen minutes, the guy didn't return. The girl waited. Another fifteen minutes passed. Suddenly, there was a huge THUMP on the top of the car. The girl began getting even more scared, and called the ranger station."

"'Don't move your car, miss. Leave the brights on and we'll find you.' The girl started the engine, turning on both the heater and the brights. When the ranger's car pulled up, the girl breathed a sigh of relief, and went to open the car door."

"'Miss…stay in the car.' The ranger said, his flashlight trained on the roof of the car, a terrified look on his face."

"'What?' The girl said, not being able to hear him over the heater blasting. She got out of the car, and screamed."

"There, lying dead on the roof of the car, was her boyfriend, his heart torn out, a look of ultimate fear frozen on his face."

I leaned back from the flames as I finished my story.

"What a waste. Who takes JUST the heart?" Zetsu rolled his eyes. "**That's just stupid.**"

As the fire died, so did our conversation. When we ran out of things to burn, we packed everything by the light of the moon and proceeded to drive home.

Hopefully Pein didn't need directions, because I fell asleep on the way home.


	11. Tobi and WHO?

The next morning, my alarm blared my favourite wake-up song, Eye of the Tiger by Survivor, and I sat straight up in my bed. I decided to take a shower before braving the Waking of the Boys, waking Konan in the process. "What time is it?" she mumbled sleepily.

"Five-thirty. You can probably sleep another half-hour, then you can take a shower and I'll wake the guys." I said, picking out clothes from my closet.

"M'alright." She said, drifting back to sleep.

I showered, then quickly dressed and wrapped my hair up in a towel to dry.

"Good luck." Konan said as she walked into the bathroom.

"I'll try not to die." I said, walking to the first bedroom and cranking my iPod speakers all the way up, then playing Allstar by Smash Mouth to wake them.

"STOP THAT FUCKING RACKET!" I heard Hidan yell from inside, and a few thumps against the door (which I expected were kunai or shuriken).

I left the iPod to play the music (hidden safely so they didn't smash it) and went to wake the other room of boys with my handy-dandy air horn.

I like to think my waking methods are quite fun.

As the guys ever so enthusiastically schlepped down the stairs to the kitchen, I tossed them Pop Tarts and cartons of milk. "Breakfast of champs, guys."

"I think Zetsu, Kisame, and Kakuzu should have to wake up with us." Deidara griped, munching on his food.

I went to the bathroom to quickly brush my hair, and grabbed my backpack. "Alright, different people in the truck this time." I said, going outside and getting in my truck. I was joined by Konan, Deidara, and Sasori.

The drive was quiet, as opposed to yesterday with Hidan whining about Tobi's spazzatical waving. He seems to not like a lot of things. Whiner baby.

At school, I was immediately greeting with a tackle-glomping from Allie, who promptly hugged the Akatsuki, getting varying degrees of enthusiasm. Surprisingly, they don't like being hugged. Except for Tobi. Allie likes to call him Teddy Bear. I must admit, he is hug-able.

"OMG did you do the French homework? It was SUPER easy."Allie said, trying to make conversation. She and Tobi were then talking about completely random things. Last time I tuned into their conversation, it was about whether Pirates, Ninjas, or Wizards were better. Oh, the irony.

The bell rang, and almost immediately most of the kids on campus began heading towards class, making the school look like some sort of insect hive, or ant hill. Allie and Tobi had a race to see who could get to their first period fastest.

"They're so cute together." Konan commented.

"Indeed." I said, grabbing my backpack before heading to my own first period. "See you in third and fourth!"

Konan gave a little wave, then headed off to her class.

The first four classes seemed to inch by, seeing that they were the most boring classes of the day. The teachers couldn't sound less interested in the material they were talking about. When the bell rang to dismiss us to lunch, I couldn't have been happier.

"I don't think I'm going to learn much with that guy as a teacher." Konan said as we walked towards The Wall.

"No one does." I said. "Which is why most of his kids fail physics."

I sat down against the wall, opening the package of chips I had gotten from the vending machine. "Lunch of champs." I said, as Konan dug in to her cookies.

"Well, not much else we can get." she said, motioning to the ridiculous line extending from the cafeteria.

"You'd think they would have planned it better."

"You'd think."

"HEY GUYS!" Allie yelled, slamming her backpack next to mine and collapsing next to me. "OMG you will never guess!"

"Our physics teacher is actually deciding to teach well?" I guessed.

"Or he decided this career was not for him and decided to go raise alpacas in Peru?" Konan asked hopefully. I stared incredulously at her. She shrugged. "It could happen..."

"Close, but no." Allie said. "TEDDY BEAR ASKED ME OUT!"

"He asked you out?" I raised an eyebrow.

"HE ASKED ME OUT."

"Oh God. Tob-I mean, Todd and Allie together. Better go prepare for the apocalypse." Konan said.

Allie stuck her tongue out. "Anyway. Yeah. We're going to the movies."

"How cliche." I commented jokingly.

Allie smacked me on the head. "SHUSH. But yeah. Tonight."

"Have fun. Don't die. And if you do, don't haunt me." Konan said.

" ANYWAY. Good for you, Allie." I said. "Whatcha gonna see?"

"I dunno. We'll see when we get there."

"Well, like Konan said, don't die."

"Didn't plan on it." Allie said happily, munching on her pack of gummy worms.

The bell rang, ushering us back into class. At least the last two classes were interesting.

The truck ride home was full of chatter, Sasori and Deidara were arguing about whose project was going to get a higher grade (they were both taking an art class), and Konan and I were talking about our boring Physics teacher and inept Calculus teacher.

Home was boring, the guys hogging the TV and trying to mess with the schedule. I had to bonk a few people on the head with a frying pan. I must admit, that's fun.

When Tobi finally arrived home, he seemed in good spirits. I guess the date went well, although he wouldn't tell anyone anything and Allie wasn't calling or texting me. I decided to ask her the next day, but for now I had to get some sleep. I was going to have to be nice and awake to try and wake the boys the next day, while also trying to not die.


	12. Dish, Damn It!

**AH HAH. AH HAH. HAH. *shot* Five months. Why the HELL did it take me this long to upload? WRITER'S BLOCK. For this story, at least. D8 I know. But new chapter now! Sorry it took so long!**

Don't own the Akatsuki, yadda yadda yadda. Words.

"GOOD MORNING!" Someone yelled in my ear. "RISE AND SHINE! IT'S A NEW DAY!"

I groaned. "What the…"

"WELCOME BACK TO THE WORLD!" Another voice yelled.

I opened my eyes, and found Hidan, Deidara, and Sasori in my bedroom. "Guys!" I threw a pillow in their general direction. "It's four A.M.!"

"Yes. Well, you're always waking us up, so we thought we'd return the favor." Hidan said, rolling Konan out of her bed. "So up! Get up! School starts in…" He glanced at the clock. "Four hours!"

I groaned again, then was promptly flung out of my bed by Sasori. "No going back to sleep!"

Konan finally fully woke up, and stood, shoving the boys one by one out of our bedroom. "Out. Go. Now." She said, closing the door and locking it.

"Well, I'm awake, whether I like it or not." I moped. "You want first shower, or what?"

Konan decided to go down and hurt the boys a bit first (after my warning to leave the house in a relatively good shape), then took the first shower.

I went into the kitchen, grabbing Poptarts and milk and attempting to wake myself up. Why was it that I could wake up at this hour during summer and I would be perfectly fine, but during the school year I'm so damn tired all the time?

"GOOD MORNING, LYRA-CHAN!" Tobi yelled, tackle-hugging me and almost crushing my breakfast.

"Tobi, how the HELL do you manage to be so cheerful all the time?" I asked, attempting to squirm out of his iron death hug.

"Someone's gotta do it!" Tobi said, eating marshmallows. "Everyone else is too busy being tired all the time!"

"That would be because we're sane." Konan said, walking into the kitchen while drying her hair with a towel, already fully dressed.

I groaned, but finished off my Poptarts and made my way up the stairs to shower and attempt to actually wake up.

I then discovered that, after waking Konan and me up, the boys had gone back to sleep.

I sighed, then trudged back DOWN the stairs. "Konan, be a dear and awaken the boys. Again. Or Tobi. Either one of you."

Konan raised an eye brow. "I thought they were already up. Seeing as how they were the ones who woke us."

"Ah, yes, that's the beauty of it. After waking us ever so gently, they decided to go back to sleep." I said dryly.

Tobi grabbed a pie pan and a wooden spoon. "Can Tobi wake them up?" he asked excitedly.

"Sure. Have fun. But let me get to a safe-ish place." I made my way quickly to my bathroom, collecting all necessary things for showering and such. I did not want to have to exit the bathroom until I was completely done with everything.

That, and pissed off ninjas were never good things to have around when you're so tired you can barely keep your eyes open.

I sincerely hoped Tobi didn't wake the neighbors.

I ran the brush through my hair one last time, making sure any and all tangles had been eliminated. Pulling my hair into a loose ponytail, I went downstairs to find a stunning lack of awakened ninjas and an unhappy Tobi.

"Lyra-chan, those meaniebutts broke Tobi's spoon and almost killed Tobi with the pie tin!" he complained to me while Konan slept on the couch, having fallen back asleep despite the herd of elephants(sorry, boys) upstairs.

I rubbed my eyes. "It is too damn early to be dealing with this…" I said, checking my watch. "Eh. It's 5:30. Let them sleep another half hour." I patted Tobi on the head. "Now we know not to attempt to awaken them with pie tins and wooden spoons."

Tobi nodded, and went to fix himself a bowl of Lucky Charms.

When six o'clock finally reared its ugly head, I woke Konan again and went to go rouse everyone else who was school bound.

"GOOD MORNING!" I yelled out, utilizing the same war tactics as the boys had earlier. "RISE AND SHINE! IT'S A NEW DAY!"

"FUCK. OFF." Hidan's shout of rage was muffled by the fact that he had a pink stuffed bunny on his face.

I thought better of asking why.

"Oh, come on. It's six o'clock, up and at 'em. You're practically wasting the day, getting up this late!" I set my iPod up again to play "When Will My Life Begin" from Tangled, since it's such a manly song for them to wake up to.

"SILENCE THAT INFERNAL RACKET!" I heard Kakuzu yell from the other room. I chuckled, ducking back out into the hallway to go pack my homework back into my backpack, since I hadn't had the time last night, what with getting to bed at the lovely hour of midnight.

Running on four hours of sleep is always lovely on a Tuesday.

After much grumbling, I was finally able to get all those who were going out of the house and to school. I kind of wanted to see Allie, since I had been wondering about her date with Tobi the other night.

I plopped down next to her against The Wall, looking at her.

She giggled. "Quit that!"

"Quit what? YOU were the one who refused to text me yesterday, missy." I prodded her shoulder.

"Yes, do inform us how your date went." Konan sat on the other side of Allie, riffling through her backpack for whatever reason.

"Well, it was a date. Between me and Todd." Allie said, trying to concentrate on her current drawing of a wolf howling at the moon.

"Thank you, Captain Obvious." I rolled my eyes.

"Just trying to do my job, Random Civilian. "

"But seriously!" I crossed my arms. "You must tell me. I command thee."

"Well, since I have been commanded…" She sighed dramatically. "We went to see some random action movie. I don't quite remember the title. We kept commenting on the randomest stuff in the movie, like hairstyle and such. I think the people in front of us got annoyed. Then he walked me home an gave me a hug goodbye."

"A hug?" I laughed. That was so like Tobi.

"It was only first date." Konan pointed out.

"I realize that! But he's uber sweet." She sighed and pretended to faint on my shoulder. "I may be in love!"

"Yep, love after the first date. That's probable." That earned me a smack on the shoulder.

"Just because YOU don't believe in love at first sight doesn't mean I can't!" Allie protested. "Or…something like that. Because I suppose love at first sight is technically lust."

"Technically."

"Well, whatever, Miss Logical." Allie said, beginning to shade in her drawing. "I happened to have a nice time last night. And what were you doing?"

"I was actually preventing my house from being knocked down by certain boys who fight ruthlessly over the television remote." I rolled my eyes. "They get on my nerves. Sometimes. More often than not, actually."

"They are boys. This is common in their species." Allie pointed out.

"Very true."

* * *

**So...I'm not entirely sure if anything was wrong. There might not have been...**

**DUN JUDGE ME. I HATE IT WHEN MY FICS GO ALL OUT OF WHACK. ;;^;;**


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